I shaved my head...

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On June 10, 2026, I shaved my head.

More accurately, my hairdresser helped me — she shaved my head. Not razor-shaved, but “#2” shaver, shaved my head. We began with me cutting off my ponytail, and then she started buzzing it off from there:

I have always had long, straight blond hair (except for when I thought perms were cool in middle school). For the last ten years, I’ve also had bangs. The look really hasn’t changed. It’s been easy, consistent, and predictable.

GI JANE, aka Demi Moore said, “I probably never felt more naked than when my head was shaved.”"

But I’ve always WANTED to shave my head. That scene in G.I. Jane left a mark on me, when Demi Moore shaved her head. It has always been on my list of things I’d like to do “someday,” but I never quite had the gumption.

Enter: my friend Caley, aka, twin. She’s a relatively new friend, and yes, she’s also a decade younger than me (with dark hair, no less), so the twin reference is mainly in terms of how we think about certain things, like being dog-moms, and also that we don’t drink and we both tend to be the first to leave a loud social event ;)

Anyway… Caley was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm back in May, and she had surgery scheduled for June 22. We knew the surgeon would need to shave part of her head to make his incision, but we didn’t know how much hair would be shaved or how big the incision would be. I just had a sense that the post-surgery stitches and haircut-look might be hard on her.

So on June 10, I got all my hair cut off in solidarity with Caley. It felt amazing — vulnerable, emotional, shocking, honestly. After all these years of highlighting my hair blond, I didn’t even know what my natural color was. I was surprised to learn it’s a dark brown! (Thankfully, NO GREY hairs were spotted!). But wow, the dark head of short hair was really shocking to me, and I felt it changed the way my face looked completely. (Pics above credit to Zach White).

To lessen the shock, Emily, my hairdresser, advised we go platinum with all-over color. So we did. That was also shocking in its own way! I felt like a fuzzy yellow Q-tip.

And then … I got to experience life for the first time ever without a ponytail back there, which has apparently been like a rudder my entire life, because my head felt off balance without that counterweight swinging around back there for a really long time. I also realized fully just how much heat we really do lose from our heads and, as someone who is almost always cold to begin with, beanies and hats became suddenly quite critical without the hair to hold the heat in. And, I realized how much I fidgeted and messed with my hair on a regular basis.

I needed to think about sunscreen for my scalp and neck for the first time ever. The way the wind blew over my scalp in my cycling helmet was wilddddd. Wow — so many new experiences! And just the way I felt out in the world: suddenly, it seemed people interacted differently with me, or maybe —I with them?! Perhaps I had become more approachable, or maybe with this new vulnerability, I was less assertive!? … Either way, I felt received by others in a new way.

“There’s something to be said for voluntarily making yourself a little uncomfortable and letting people see you in a way they’re not accustomed to seeing you. I felt more exposed, certainly, but also somehow more approachable. Maybe when we’re less attached to how we’re supposed to look, we’re a little more open to how we’re actually experienced.”
— me

I also did not have the identity of the female cyclist with the long blond ponytail sticking out of her helmet anymore, and that was also a new sensation. I didn’t realize how much of my identity my hair had become, or always was, until it was gone. There is a nakedness, an exposure element to it. It’s also freeing and liberating - all of it.

There was so much self-learning and insight in this experiment, and of course, I think Caley felt better post-op having a twin with a weird hairdo in solidarity ;)

Me and my twin, Caley, a few days fresh out of her big procedure as we proudly rocked our new hair-dos.

Her scar was quite big, and yes, the surgeon’s partial head-shave was not her favorite haircut. She decided to cut her long dark hair shorter, so that it wouldn’t pull on her sutures as she recovered.

I’m so glad I did this and have been able to share the weird hairdo feelings with her as she has recovered. Hair grows back. This is just a journey for now — and I keep trying to remind her of that when she feels badly about how her head, scar, and hair look. I’m just grateful she got through surgery and is on the road to recovery!

Of course, the timing was also excellent to have no hair, as this was just before I embarked on the cross-country bike ride, where having no hair meant I had one less thing to manage each day. No need for shampoo all the time, no comb to carry, no hair in the drain or on my clothes… (And for van life, it’s the best hair ever!).

Like Tadej said, It’s cooler, and… it’s cooler.

As the hair has grown out, I’ve been learning how to style it at each new length, and for the first time in my life, I’m using POMADE — which makes me laugh! But it really does work and is so much less crunchy than hair gel — who knew!?!!? I leaned heavily into my “mohawk” era during the bike trip, where I didn’t have to look “like a lawyer” or look professional and just got to have fun with a punk rock hairstyle. As the platinum grew out, I had dark roots and white tips, and it felt edgy and fun and very different from the days of long blond hair.

What was fun during the Tour de France timeframe is that Tadej, the TDF winner, showed up with a buzzed head dyed platinum, saying it would keep him cooler and he’d also be/look cooler. So in my road cycling circles, people began nicknaming me Tadej or Pogi, as he’s known, and it was always good for a laugh.

Me and Tadej = twins

Now I’m at the phase where we’ve toned down the blond/dark contrast (since I’ve got to be in court in a few weeks and look more “professional”), and it’s also long enough that it sticks up in the vents of my cycling helmet, which feels very UN-aero.

But it’s the grow-out phase that I knew would take some time and would be weird and awkward in its own way as the hair slowly grows back out. It’s a fine line between pixie and unkept hair that is overdo for a haircut…

One thing that has shocked me is how much fuller and thicker this new hair is. My long blond locks, after years of highlighting and abuse, had become very thin. It feels good to have a fresh start with a new head of brand-new hairs ;)


Most importantly, though, Caley continues on her road to recovery, every week getting back to her normal levels of activity, work, and output, with the fatigue levels dissipating slowly (not as fast as she’d like, I’m sure).

If you’ve ever felt called to shave your head, I recommend it. This has been such a powerful masterclass in the attachments we have to our appearances and to superficial assumptions we make about people based on their hair or style and so much more. It’s also very freeing. Very liberating. And while I have felt quite self conscious about this new look, I can’t even believe how many compliments I’ve received about my short hair.

Elevator hair selfie, early October

For now I’ll grow it out a bit and then see what’s what. That’s the fun of all of this- the impermanence of it all, the unseriousness of it all, and the chance to re-invent ourselves over and over again.

The hair will grow back, and eventually I'll probably look pretty much like I did before. But I don't think I'll look at my hair, or my appearance, quite the same way again. And I'm pretty sure Caley and I will always have this particularly ridiculous chapter of friendship to laugh about.

More importantly— please check out Caley’s IG and read about her recovery and how she was diagnosed to begin with, in case it might save you or someone you know! As her hair has grown out around her scar and she’s gone shorter and shorter with her style, I think it looks super cute. But I know it’s still not how she would prefer it, and I totally get that. I’m just glad she’s doing ok and that we can still ride bikes together.

*Apparently, I'm not the only woman who has discovered the peculiar joys of a shaved head. Charlize Theron famously said, 'You have not showered until you've showered hairless.' (She is not wrong.) Demi Moore described the experience as life-changing and empowering, while Karen Gillan talked about how scary and liberating it was to shed something she'd always been identified by. I guess there's a whole club of us who have discovered that losing our hair can sometimes mean finding a little more of ourselves.

Bike Ride Across the USA: Part 2

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The theme of this second half is getting out of our own way.

It sounds so weird now, after the fact, to write this: but in the moment, I really had to get out of my own way once the intuitive hit of “go back on the trip and rejoin the group” landed.

I’d said goodbye, I’d come home, and fully unpacked, I’d left my feedback with the company and done my post-trip debrief call with the folks at HQ. I’d had some pointed things to say about a few experiences I’d had on the first leg of the trip, and suggestions for ways I thought they might address some of those items on future trips.

On their end, they’d cancelled the hotel rooms booked ahead for me, and they’d removed me from the group, and I’d opted out of the participant WhatsApp channel. I sincerely came home and thought I was done -done.

But as the dogs showed me they were ok, as we neared the end of their “quarantine two week window” and as I gave it more thought, I realized it was totally silly to take myself out of the remaining 17 days of the ride — when it was paid for, there were no refunds coming, and there was still plenty of time left to ride on the East Coast. 17 days in fact. By most people’s standards, my own included, that’s a pretty dang solid vacation.

It sounds really funny now, but I literally had to give myself permission to not worry what people would say, and to go back- to restart, and to rejoin the group. Trek Travel said they had to be sure they could get my hotel rooms re-booked, and then confirmed they could. My bike was still in the vans and had been riding along in the van without me while I’d been away. The dog facility said, “absolutely bring the pups back we’d love to have them here again,” (I know they’d felt really badly about me having to come home from my trip…).

So, two weeks to the day that I’d flown back from Billings, Montana, I boarded a plane once again and landed in Madison, Wisconsin. The next day the group would have their final ride of a ten-day block and then enjoy a rest day in Madison, so we reunited over their ride into Madison where the trek travel team met everyone with a hearty lunch (originally planned for the lawn at the Capital building, but due to rain had been moved to this gorgeous hotel/mansion owned by the Trek family).

I rejoined the group at the same time that a fellow rider named Ralf also rejoined. He had left the trip before I had due to some medical issues and had always planned to rejoin but had kept his plans fluid. We connected in the days prior to Madison and decided to time our return for the same time, knowing we both felt like outsiders now in the group since they’d continued to ride and bond while we’d been away. Again I know this sounds silly- Megan, it’s a trip you paid for, who cares what people think or say if you leave and come back, you spent the money and deserved to be on the trip. Yes. AND - in a traveling container of people doing a really hard thing together, the group dynamic was a really strong, powerful force. Regardless, I gave myself permission to show up again, with rested legs and a newfound appreciation for the trip, and was determined to make the most of the final leg.

Another reason I’d decided to rejoin in Madison is that the group had a very special outing on the calendar: a private after hours tour of Trek bikes HQ in Waterloo, as well as a dinner at the Trek Lodge, just across the road from HQ. There was also a ferry ride across Lake Michigan I was excited about…. And finally, I had friends Danielle in Madison and Cherie in Milwaukee whom I really wanted to see in person, and that made the return even more of a no-brainer.

Looking ahead, I’d seen that we’d likely be riding in colder, cloudier and wetter temps as we went east from Madison, and my projections were correct. We had several rainy days, and let me tell you- starting a ride in the rain takes a special mindset. It’s one thing to have rain start once you’ve been riding for a while, but it’s another animal when you walk out of the hotel doors to rain and you know you’re about to get soaked from the first pedal stroke.

From Madison we rode to Milwaukee, and then in Milwaukee we boarded a large ferry to cross Lake Michigan. To set the scene here, let me preface it by telling you that within a few hours of the ferry departure, the ferry company was very nearly going to cancel all ferry rides for the day due to the high winds and wake/waves on the lake. They decided to run the ferry, but as we arrived and saw the lake turbulence, we concluded we may be in for a rough ride. Within 10 minutes of being on board, staff was running around with puke bags, handing out motion sickness meds, cranking the AC and telling everyone to STAY SEATED. It would be comical, except that so many people suffered badly on this 2.5 hour ride.

The ferry pushed into walls of water that felt like we’d run smack into a brick wall. I had images of all the cars and bikes stowed below sloshing around into each other. I determined not to let myself get sick and really went deep into a mental reservoir of focus, with my eyes locked on the horizon, forcing myself to stay in control. While I felt ill and uneasy, I never felt like I’d get sick (thankfully), and towards the end, I was able to actually get some lunch in just before changing into my kit for our short ride to Holland.

Many in our group were not so fortunate- I’d say about 50% of us did okay, and 50% did very poorly and were extremely sick. I felt so bad for everyone who got properly ill… there is NO worse feeling than watching the clock tick the minutes slowly by while feeling helpless about your body being in total rebellion; it’s the worst. I had mad respect for everyone getting through the day and the short two-hour ride after. It was quite an eventful day!

From Michigan, we entered Ohio and rode to Rossford, Oberlin, and to Newbury. Ohio really blew me away, the parks and lakes were gorgeous and mixed in with some cloudy or rainy days were some delightful, sunny, warm days —and these were extraordinary.

The leaves were starting to turn as we approached late September and made our way from Ohio into Pennsylvania. We rode into Meadville and Bradford, and I got to enjoy my first time ever riding in Amish country, seeing families in horse-drawn carriages on the roads alongside us, before entering New York state and the city of our final rest day: Corning.

While some took the tour of the glass facility, I opted to lay low and rest for the day. The stretch from Madison to Corning had been big, with several days being 100+ miles, and weather and temps offering some challenges. At this point, I really felt several people in our group were getting anxious to be done. The fatigue of the daily routine- eat, ride, eat, unpack, sleep, repack- was wearing thin. The hotel breakfasts often left much to be desired, as did the hotel coffees, and people’s personalities were getting on one another’s nerves.

I was feeling all of this, (I pick up on a lot of things both said and unsaid), and noticed for myself that the group meals were becoming more and more stimulating and that I was craving more and more time alone in my room.

Thankfully while on the bike during the day, it was heaven; the C group that I rode with (myself and 3 other guys in their 60s) had become a well-oiled machine by this point. Little was said on the ride, we communicated with hand gestures and mutual understandings. As we’d become more efficient, we’d also become much faster, often finishing off a 100 mile day in 5.5 hours, which is really something when you consider just 4 people taking pulls and some of the winds we battled. It was also something to see that just one calendar week on Strava showed me riding close to 600 miles— something I’d never done up to that point.

Tim from MN (66), Steffen from Germany (62) and Robert from Manchester, UK (62) were strong and getting stronger by the day. Some days it was all I could do to just hang on and take my pulls.

The truth about that kind of effort and day after day exertion, is that you can really eat whatever you want and you’ll still be calorie deficient. It was fun to indulge in desserts with almost every dinner, snacks and treats on the ride, and more calories ingested than I ever believed possible. I had a whole new appreciation for why people say the Tour de France is really an eating contest. I saw everyone’s bodies changing in the group - amazed at how faces slimmed down, almost to the point of appearing gaunt, and leg muscles appeared more and more chiseled. Some handled the load well, some were starting to dig into a deeper and deeper hole and it wasn’t going their way.

Everyone was managing their own physical and mental stressors in different ways and with mixed results. Some wanted to deflect with humor and sarcasm, some expressed self doubt, some talked smack about other riders behind their backs. I picked up on a fair bit of judgment and couldn’t really understand it. Some felt directed my/our way, that our group wasn’t “enjoying the journey or taking any photos” really seemed to miff some folks. How funny, I thought, that we all paid to be here and yet some have thoughts about the experience we are choosing to have. Each day deepened my sense that this was a spectacular psychology experiment unfolding before my eyes. So much to see, hear and observe. For me, my work was remaining neutral in it, and trying not to “get slimed” by some of the negativity along the way.

My hero of the ride and a true master in many senses, was Jack Hudson, who turned 76 on the trip and was the oldest rider among us. A retired three-star general from the Air Force, Jack represented the very best of us as riders and human beings, and I watched him just methodically chip away at the miles each day and ride his own pace, putting one foot in front of the other. Even as he began to express that his fatigue levels were becoming bottomless, he still brought his smile and warm heart and kindness and sincerity to every group dinner. I never heard him speak ill of someone else or say a negative thing about anything. He fast became one of my favorite people on the trip to talk to and spend time with. As someone later said in our closing dinner, he represents all of the best of America and is what we all aspire to be like. He is pure gold- and he said his goal is to ride 100 miles on his 100th birthday; when he asked me, I fervently accepted the invite to be there as a rider when that day comes. Along the way he had numerous friends and family members join him and it just became so clear to me what an amazing human he is and how well loved he is.

And as I said- the group was struggling from the daily grind and while this was a vacation we’d paid for and signed up for, the truth is that some mornings it just felt really hard. But we had set departure times and we knew the routine and what I kept reminding myself more than anything was, “I’ve got one job today: to ride my bike from point A to point B, and what a privilege that is!” And also at any point, anyone could choose to ride in the vans and that was ok, too.

Some of the Comfort Inns and local lodges late in the trip caused further demise in morale— eating rubbery cold chicken at a Comfort Inn was honestly part of the whole experience. One night it was 5-star dining and the next night it was 1-star and we never really knew till we got there which it would be.

From Corning it was into Cazenovia and this really cute spot we stayed in called the Brewster Inn, right on Lake Caz. We rode from there to another lake in a really gorgeous area of leaves popping off like fireworks - called Piseco, where we stayed at this cute rustic lodge on Piseco Lake.

From there it was Ticonderoga (home of the No. 2 pencil), and into Vermont, riding into St Johnsbury. At this point we could taste the end of the trip, and I think people slipped back into savoring it versus rushing it.

Steffen our German stoic surprised us with some humor as he provided us the daily briefing in German before we departed Piseco Lake.

Our last century of the trip!

For me, my legs were officially hollow. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this before. They had nothing in them, and as my riding mates had just gotten faster and stronger by the day and I’d held pace with them, digging deep to take pulls and be part of the 4-some, there came a day when that pace and push were no longer doable for me. I just couldn’t turn the legs back on. It was a shame coming into the final days feeling so poorly on the bike but it was what it was.

I hated holding up my crew, and that led to us splitting into two groups of 2 in the final days, with Steffen from Germany refusing to let me ride alone, but slowing himself way down to accompany me. He’s got a heart of gold too and while we navigated language barriers the entire time, with his English being ok but him being difficult to understand, we figured out how to communicate almost wordlessly while riding. I was repeatedly humbled by his kindness, and by the group for waiting for me as my pedaling became more and more square-like.



On the last century ride of the trip we had over 8,000 feet of elevation as we rode the “App Gap” ———————————->

The leaves were changing, and the “leaf peeping” had everyone out driving and gawking. Thankfully drivers were kind to us despite it being a Saturday with fall festivities in full swing, and we made our way bit by bit up and over those mountains…

From St. Johnsbury it was into North Conway NH (a new-to-me state!) and my legs were officially dead. At this point I was limping through the day and was sad that I was more interested in getting the day done than savoring the final few rides. I just had nothing left, and at the same time, had so much respect for everyone on the trip who’d done the entire thing, unlike me getting a two-week break in the middle!

From North Conway we rode into Maine (another new-to-me state) and made our way to the Atlantic Ocean for a dip of the tires and photos and celebrations.

My cousin Jessica and her fiancé had driven in for the day from Massachusetts to meet me at the finish and take pics. It was so lovely to see them and get hugs and just to see everyone’s joy at the end. Tears of joy and also sadness at it being over were cried by many, including our wonderful guides.

That’s me on the far left, rocking my Maximum Enthusiasm team cycling jersey, wanting to represent our team and sponsors on this arrival at the Atlantic Ocean!

It’s really something to take 24 people — ordinary humans, ranging in age from 43-76 — who’ve never done something like this (well except for Stan, this was his THIRD XC ride!), and to help us travel 3700 miles across 15 states. Everyone finished; no one had dropped out (though, as I said, 2 of us had left mid trip and then resumed). That’s with massive credit to the 5 guides for feeding us and keeping our bikes rolling and shuttling us to dinners etc. Yes a few folks crashed. Yes a few folks had head colds or saddle sores or aches and pains, you name it. But everyone finished. That is really something special.

I learned a lot about myself: giving myself permission to rejoin the trip, reinserting myself into Group C, getting stronger, and then having really bad legs at the end and being humbled by the way I was slowing my group down, and so on. I learned a lot observing the people on this trip — those who were determined to have a great time no matter what and those who complained about literally everything, weather and food and hotels included. I saw really successful people being insanely rude to waitstaff and hotel staff as we overwhelmed some of these places, and then I also saw a lot of grace and humility as we were greeted with hospitality and kindness each place we went (that was my experience, anyways).

Our Guides from left: Sarah, Clara, Quill, Scott and George - what a great group!

I watched the guides navigate the personalities and demands on their time and energy, with immense grace and aplomb. Not easy. I would’ve lost my temper often, if I’d been in their shoes. Whew. Talk about herding cats! ;)

More than anything I watched people do far more than they ever thought they could, and that’s just so dang special. For me, the riding was hard, seeing new places was amazing, chatting with strangers all along the way was humanity-affirming, and having this trip out there as a big scary goal had been positively motivating and inspiring all year long.

Was my ride complete? No, not technically -there is a gap in the middle of my map. Do I consider this incomplete? No I do not. It was the exact right experience that I was meant to have and honestly I’m really glad the dogs called me back for two weeks, where I regrouped and reset for the second part of the journey. My entire 2026 was anchored around this trip, based on where I could train well and get the prep miles in, where the dogs would have a place to stay while I was gone, where and when I’d be able to get van trips in or other trips or adventures with this big one being such a large undertaking. Yes, it is often a bit sad when a goal of this size is no longer out in front of us but in the rearview now. I knew there would be a “come down” and I’m glad I prepared myself for it well in advance, as I imagine the post-trip blues caught folks by surprise. (I learned this after our world record ride in 2019 - we were all stunned at how sad we got after it was done. That wisdom carried into this for me as I really made a point to savor it while it was unfolding, knowing that at the not-so-distant future, it would be finished).

Bottom line for my own personal growth is seeing myself navigate the challenges of the mental/physical/emotional stressors in this traveling circus and at times letting it knock me out of my center, but then coming back into my center over and over, using the tools I have learned, seeing and observing and really working to not take things personally. With my routines, the way I do my day, how I eat, when I sleep, all of my “optimization practices” totally stripped away, being in new places and spaces and around people I both liked and didn’t like, and in a setting where I felt physically supported but not so much emotionally supported, I really got to see where my spiritual practices could carry me in times of stress and uncertainty. Truthfully— SO much of what I was feeling and picking up on in this group was simply not about me. This trip was a masterclass for me in deepening the medicine I’ve been growing for myself and particularly, in not taking things personally.

As I completed the circle of the hero’s journey, and came back into the ordinary world from the lower world/the road of trials, I feel confident in saying that I’ve returned with the “boon,” or gifts of the journey. One is knowing myself better. As my mentor said repeatedly on this trip, “you didn’t go there to make friends or influence people, you went there to meet yourself.” And I certainly did.

That is the beauty of travel, of doing hard things, or having new experiences. It always shows us who we are. In the lower world we often receive help from guides, or we receive blessings to aid us on the path. Those things were very true for me on this trip, and often in the most unexpected places!

A book I read when I got home (A Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life) summarized these sentiments perfectly, to the point where this line jumped off the page at me: “To me, a master is anyone who can be themselves in any situation.”
It’s a goal of mine, to be fully myself in any situation, especially after observing how I wasn’t always “myself” in this traveling circus dynamic of personalities and demands.

So hey…
Thanks for reading. I hope this inspires you to not only take the trip or do the thing, but to go into the lower world/road of trials and meet your own adversity down there and see what you come back with. If you’re not familiar with the Hero’s Journey, maybe you start by reading about it in Joseph Campbell’s work!

Reflecting on the hero’s journey and its relationship to life, Campbell writes:

What I think is that a good life is one hero journey after another. Over and over again, you are called to the realm of adventure, you are called to new horizons. Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There’s always the possibility of a fiasco.

But there’s also the possibility of bliss.

Here is the youtube video I made of the second half of the trip: HERE.

Here is the itinerary for the 2027 trip. (I believe their trips are booked out a few years w/waitlists but check it out and sign up if it calls to you! Use code TTMegan to save a little money, also! (So long as you book before the end of 2026).



Bike Ride Across the USA: Part 1

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Wide open roads and blue skies out west!

I’ve always wanted to bike across the USA. I think this is a shared bucketlist trip among many of us who ride bikes, and after years of talking about it and trying to make it work, I finally pressed GO on this adventure earlier this year.

Specifically, I committed to the money, time and effort of a 47-day adventure with Trek Travel, riding from Portland OR to Portland ME. Approximately 3700 miles, through 15 states, this would be unlike any ride or athletic pursuit I’ve ever attempted.

From early February on, this was the singular focus of my 2026 calendar and goals. I reoriented my life and made plans and also declined projects, events and invitations, all based around keeping this chunk of time free on my calendar, while making plans for my dogs while I was away, and attempting to ride and train enough to be prepared for the journey. For me it would be a pilgrimage —the hero’s journey— departing the upper world, traveling down into the lower/ non-ordinary world, confronting challenges along the way, meeting helpers, and hopefully returning back into the ordinary world at the conclusion with the “boon” or gifts - i.e. wisdom- as my prize.

My steadfast “group C” riding mates, Tim (MN) and Steffen (Germany).

Stepping into a container with 23 other people, all of whom are unknown to me, as well as 5 guides from Trek Travel taking care of us and helping us along the way, while sleeping in a different town and hotel each night, eating meals in all kinds of places, seeing many things, meeting many people and having experiences all along the way, both excited and scared me. And the riding itself felt unbelieveably intimidating. It is one thing to ride a century (100 miles) now and then, but it’s quite another to string those into back to back days, while going 10 days in a row between rest days.

Needless to say, I was facing the reality that all of my routines, schedules, optimization techniques, ways of doing life, (the narrow band in which I truly thrive), would be tossed out the window and I’d need to go with the flow, do things I don’t normally do, be around people I may or may not mesh with, all while progressing in a traveling circus type environment, while the fatigue would build cumulatively each day.

For me it wasn’t just about checking the box, riding the miles, doing the “thing.” I knew there would be some big growth opportunities in this for me, a deepening of my evolution and a sincere chance to meet myself at my mental, physical and emotional depths. Four years after surviving a serious collision with a motorist, overcoming injuries and impairments, and making my way through some really hard seasons in life since, this felt big and important.

As you might imagine, this was a HELL YES for me.

All of that brought me to Portland OR on August 20, where we began our adventure.

We officially started our ride that day in Astoria, OR, the westernmost point of our trip, where we dipped our tires in the Pacific ocean. From there we rode to Portland, and made our way east each day, enjoying several days in OR in the lush trees and forests, before the landscape switched to drier and higher terrain. We rode to Hood River (a cute progressive river town with lots of kite surfing), then to Condon (a tiny little town of 700), then to Hermiston, and on into WA where we made our way to Walla Walla — a really cute spot I enjoyed very much.

(You can read the entire trip day-by-day itinerary HERE).

From Walla Walla it was on to Lewiston, and then into Idaho at Kamiah, a tiny town with one motorlodge hotel, which we fully occupied. Coming into this area, we’d been riding in some smoky air due to wildfires and I think the motel may also have had a bit of mold in the carpeted rooms, as my throat began sounding the alarm (for me, my check engine light).

The following day was a big one: Kamiah to Lolo, up and over the pass; I knew if I pushed too hard I’d get properly sick, so this was a day off for me, spent in the van with our guide, George. I didn’t regret my decision for a second; after all this is a vacation and it’s a ride, not a race. As I like to say, there are no extra credit points for unnecessary suffering! While the goal was to “ride every inch” I also didn’t want to get myself so sick I’d miss an entire week.

From Lolo we had a nice easy and short, mostly downhill ride into the college town of Missoula. My first time here, I gleaned quickly that this is a town I could easily live in. It reminded me of my favorite places in Colorado, with the higher elevation, foothills, liberal progressive vibe of a college town and that day also, the first home game of the football season, so the vibes were extra special.

From Missoula we began making our way across the massive state of Montana, as we rode to Helena, then Three Forks and then to Bozeman. This was another short day, and we had a bit of extra time to explore. Bozeman reminded me of Golden CO, wanting to be the western kinda town that adds cowboy decor to a town of increasing wealth layered over college town demographics. It had a good feel to it and I enjoyed our time there very much.

One thing I REALLY enjoyed doing along the way, both to inform myself and to broadcast the good work of People for Bikes, was to check the City Rating of the towns we traveled through. Needless to say, some fared far better than others! Check out your city’s rating HERE!

An image I captured on my iphone of one of the full moons we experienced on the journey.

From Bozeman it was into Columbus MT on September 3. This was the day I got a text from the place where my dogs (Eli, Luna and Tommi) were staying, informing me that Eli and Tommi were both coughing. After several weeks of successfully pedaling and putting one day after the next on the trip, I was getting a call for help back home.

While kennel cough isn’t usually a big deal (kinda like when kids go back to school in the fall and get pesky headcolds), Mister Eli had nearly died from a cough- turned-respiratory infection -turned full blown emergency last summer. Watching him gasp for air and struggle to breathe had been very scary, and it resulted in him being admitted to the hospital and seeing doggie specialists (And a very large bill for me). Eli and Luna are both only 2 years old, and Miss Tommi is only about 9 months, so these aren’t elderly dogs -they’re young and healthy and in Columbus MT in a Super 8 hotel, I panicked.

I couldn’t sleep that night worrying about them, and started looking for flights. It turned out that Billings MT would be the closest airport on the trip for the next 5 days, until we reached Sioux Falls. And there was only one flight out of Billings back, with only one seat on it (no joke! I later remembered it was Labor Day weekend which explained the full flight). Seeing that as my clear sign to return to the dogs to ensure they got well, I left the trip the morning of Sept 4, got on the plane, went home, got the dogs, and unpacked. As far as I was concerned, my ride across the country was done. I unpacked fully, put everything away, told the company I was done, and I fully resumed normal life. I was sad, deeply sad, of course. It was not the ending to this epic adventure I’d pictured. But dog-mom-duties came first in my mind, and making sure the dogs got well was my top focus.

From afar, I watched on strava as the group made their way into WY, as they passed through Sheridan and Gillette, before entering my birthstate of SD, where they rode from Spearfish to Rapid City, to Kadoka, to Oacoma to Mitchell, to Sioux Falls. They got to enjoy the Badlands, which is a part of the trip I’d really been looking forward to, but they also battled SD’s notorious headwinds and more. (A part of the trip I’d honestly dreaded!). As they entered Sioux Falls, the city where I was raised until we moved when I was in 6th grade, I lived vicariously through their daily ride uploads and IG posts. It hurt, to watch the adventure unfolding without me, yet I still knew I’d done the right thing, and I was so glad to be with the dogs ensuring they were well.

As if to lessen the blow of coming home early, the day I landed back, I got this delightful email from Burley, maker of the kid and dog trailers. For years we’d used Burleys for towing my dogs by bike on joy rides, but with the addition of the 3rd dog back in July (Miss Tommi), the pack had outgrown the Burley that I owned, so we’d been limited in the rides we could do as one dog always needed to run alongside.

Well Burley was writing to tell me they wanted to partner with me as a collab/ambassador and they were sending their biggest dog carrier: the Bark Ranger XL. When it arrived I jumped for joy as all 3 dogs easily fit in it, and they were as excited as I was to resume our favorite thing: sunset joyrides. I pull them by ebike, they get to look around and see and smell all the sights, and people LOSE THEIR MINDS when they see the 3 dogs back there living their best lives ever. I call it the joy wagon: because we bring the smiles and it’s just awesome to see people’s faces light up when they see the pups riding back there. It’s my favorite thing in the entire world. You can see footage of this party-train on my IG feed if you care to see the videos of the puppy party on wheels!

I resumed work stuff and life stuff, got back into the swing of things, and would check in on the group as they rode from Sioux Falls into MN (Austin). As the dogs became totally healthy and finished their meds, I looked around at things, my calendar was still empty from the original trip plans, and I realized the group still had 17 more days to go. By any other standard, a 2-week trip is a super solid vacation and adventure! I’d paid for the entire thing, there would be no refunds or comp-backs, so why was I skipping it? I asked Trek if I could return to the trip. They confirmed they could get my hotel rooms booked again, and then said “yes c’mon back!” The dog place said “yes, now that they’ve quarantined for 2 weeks, bring em on back, we love having them here.”

So it came to be that 2 weeks to the day that I’d flown out of Billings MT (Sept 4), I returned to the trip in Madison WI (Sept 18), with several states, another 1000+ miles still to go, and the part of the trip I’d been MOST looking forward to, still to come: the east coast as the leaves changed!

I’ve always been a west coast girl, you won’t usually find me east of the Mississippi…. So from Wisconsin on east, it’s more or less all new to me. Not only that, but the fall weather is started to creep in and soon the leaves will be changing and I can’t wait to experience that! I’ve never been to most of the places we’ll be riding— and there is also a ferry ride involved, a FIRST for me! Plus, by flying back into Madison, I could join the group for the TREK HQ tour and dinner at their base in Waterloo, WI.

It is so nice to be back with the group and back into the swing of ride, eat, sleep, repeat! *This blog was written as I returned, with those 17 days ahead of me.

Normally I would not leave an adventure and then return. Normally if I am done, I am done. It helped that another rider had left the trip and was returning in Madison also. We definitely feel like outsiders as the group continued to bond and gel while we were away, but everyone has been very gracious and kind to receive us back so warmly.

This is one of my challenges in the hero’s journey: to navigate leaving a thing and to be ok having missed the middle 1/3 of the journey. Normally Megan would need to ride every mile of it for it to feel “successful.” Old Megan would have been trying to “win” the challenge. It would have needed to be a complete line across the USA, not one with a giant gap in the middle.

The truth as I already have the hindsight to look back and reflect on the first leg of the trip, is that I was out of right relationship (ANYI) with the journey. My ego was dominating, I was spending way too much time on Strava and IG and I’d let myself get sucked into some drama and gossip among a few of the riders. Plus, some riding dynamics with one rider had become so challenging and exhausting for me yet -I’d held my tongue and stuffed it down rather than saying what needed to be said. I’d started defaulting to making myself small to protect fragile egos … and I’d also become too rigid about many things, instead of allowing for more space, more unfolding, more organic revealing…

Team c: Tim, Megan, Steffen

Much about the first part of the trip saw me reverting back to old ways, old coping patterns, old stories and beliefs — which is what we do when we’re scared or coming from a fight or flight space. As my mentor often says, “anyone can be a zen-master sitting in a quiet cave with no one around. How do we fare when we are out in the world, navigating real world challenges and other people? Are we able to hold our medicine then? Can we stay centered even as people/ places / things try to pull us off our center?”

This then, was the opportunity presented for me in this return or part 2 of the trip.

I look forward to sharing the second part of this hero’s journey as we make our way to Portland ME.

In the meantime, here are just a few of the photos from the first leg:

And for those who prefer video, HERE is my 2-minute recap of the first part of my journey! (or click image over here ——>)

ALSO:

I’ve partnered with CAPO cycling apparel both for this cross-country ride as well as my 2027 endeavors, and they are helping me, help you, in supporting People for Bikes, in 2 ways!

One, you can buy a pair of the “Bikes can Save Us” Socks that I designed with them, and all proceeds will go to PFB, or two, you can order some new cycling apparel on their website and use code HOTTMAN at checkout. You’ll save 10% and 10% of your order will be sent to PFB! Win win win! Many thanks to Capo for their support of my riding and my advocacy efforts! SHOP HERE.

AND— if you’d like to go on your own cross-country bike ride with Trek Travel, or go on any of their amazing trips, use the code “TTMegan” and get a $200 discount off of any trip booked before the end of 2026 (Could be booking a trip for 2027).

Here are the terms and conditions: $200 off a guest's first Trek Travel trip. Promotion available only to customers who have never taken a Trek Travel trip. Expires December 31, 2026. One discount per person. Coupon code has no cash value and is non-transferable. Excludes Race, Cross Country USA, private/custom, special edition trips, and bicycle rentals. May not be combined with other offers. May only be applied to new bookings, not valid toward existing bookings. Other exclusions may apply.

A Life Well-Lived, A Legacy Well-Planned

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This morning, a quote struck a chord with me: “be a creator, not a consumer.”

I’ll admit, I’ve been consuming way too much social media since Tuesday’s election, and honestly, it’s left me feeling queasy. So today, I’m choosing to take a step back and focus on creating something meaningful.

Losing the use of my body and losing my independence made me pause and rethink basically, everything.

I want to talk about something we often avoid—death. Not the easiest topic, I know, but it’s an essential one. Two years ago, I had a near-death experience that changed my outlook forever. I was in a car-bike collision in June 2022, and as it unfolded, I thought it was the end. I had just a few seconds to process what was about to happen prior to impact, and believed it was lights-out for me. By some miracle (and maybe a bit of bike handling skill), I avoided a direct head-on impact. Though I was seriously injured, I survived, and that experience shook me to the core.

While healing, I had a lot of time to think about life, purpose, and what I wanted to leave behind. Facing my own mortality pushed me to get my affairs in order—something I’d been putting off. Setting up a trust was hard, both financially and emotionally, but I realized it wasn’t just about me. It was for my loved ones, so that when my time comes, they’re spared from unnecessary complications. It also lets me decide how my life’s work will be used, instead of leaving it to chance.

“If you’re going to live, leave behind a legacy. Make an impact on the world that can never be erased.”
— Maya Angelou

When you set up a trust or plan your estate, you see your “stuff” differently. Our estate represents all those hours and years we spend working to earn money, which then translates into our homes, cars, and all the little (or big) things we buy. The process made me ask questions I’d never really considered: “Who will want my things when I’m gone?” and, “Do I even need all of this stuff?” It became clear that I’d rather focus on experiences and using my resources to make a difference.

If setting up a trust feels daunting, there’s an easier place to start: designating beneficiaries on your bank, stock, and retirement accounts. It’s an easy process that can have a powerful impact and allows you to build a legacy without any immediate financial cost. For instance, I have a passion for cycling and supporting safer roads, so I chose to name People for Bikes (PFB) as a beneficiary on some accounts. At my passing, my work will continue to make a difference by supporting safer cycling—something that brings me comfort and a sense of purpose.

Setting up a beneficiary designation is simple. Log into your financial account, search “designate beneficiary,” and follow the prompts. You can even specify the percentage or amount each person or organization will receive. It only takes a few minutes, and you can change it as life evolves.

Here are the steps I followed:

Step one: search for “designate beneficiary” on your financial institution’s website.

Step 2: add beneficiaries, like People for Bikes

Step 3: decide an amount or % percentage for each beneficiary, and then click save- -you’re done, it’s that easy!

Of course, a will or trust offers more comprehensive protection, and I highly recommend consulting an estate attorney when you’re ready. Yes, it has upfront costs, but it’s a small investment in protecting what you’ve built for those you love.

Going through this process may stir up emotions, and that’s normal—it’s human. When you’re done, take a moment to celebrate. Go for a bike ride, knowing that your years of work will have a lasting impact and create something meaningful for future generations. Now that feels like a legacy worth leaving behind.

Safer cycling for EVERYONE, please and thanks. Bikes make us better. Photo credit: J.Rojas, Arbor Drive.

Sincerely,
Megan

NOT SPONSORED, but anytime I write about my trust people often ask me where to go to get one set up – I will simply tell you that I worked with Tim Schafer and his amazing legal team at Schafer Thomas Maez in Broomfield CO and highly recommend them.  I currently work with Clinton Carlisle as I update my estate and make edits, etc.  He is awesome! https://stmlawfirm.com/  

Living trust brochure from the Colorado Bar Assoc

Breck & Frisco- summer solstice

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I’ve done a thing… I rented my house in golden- aka what’s been HOMEbase since May, 2009 … and I’ve committed myself to some months of wonder - adventure - exploration - and self love/self care … it’s exciting and so far I love being in new places and spaces and trying different things on for size.

Thankful for the van & other lodging, for a flexible schedule and the ability to work from anywhere, grateful for my health and well-being; yeah, it’s FULL SEND for me after last year’s events and trips were disrupted due to the crash— absolutely unapologetically going for it and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it ! 💖 🚀

Last night I raced in a breck Wednesday night mtn bike race series for the first time ever. The trails were new to me and I didn’t get a chance to preride much of it so I was racing blind 🤪which isn’t my favorite. I’m still battling anemia related to the miscarriage two months ago and my hemoglobin remains low so I really feel the shortage of red blood cells up at 10k feet elevation ! But I wanted to have fun and just explore and try new things - so I did ! After all it’s the solstice and what a difference in this solstice versus last year ! 🤩

The race was fun/ my heart rate was pegged - no matter how hard or fast I climb I still get beat by the other women on the descents. Maddening for sure but I’ve got Loads of work to do in my desire to be a more proficient mtn-biker.

Mother Nature put on QUITE show out there. We had the most gorgeous weather and temps. Wow.

After the race we relocated to Frisco to a campsite I’d reserved near the lake. We enjoyed the most amazing sunset hike and the clouds just blew my mind. I stayed up way past my bedtime but then again isn’t that the point of the longest day of the year ?!? The overwhelming feelings of gratitude washed over me like waves. I feel more like myself than I have for months.

We woke the next morning and went for a lovely run- which was a pivot from my original plan of riding the reverse Cooper triangle route on my road bike. As I felt into what I needed and what my body wanted (something I do every morning nowadays), I knew my back was tight from racing last night and I wanted to involve Ramsey and so the opportunity to run alongside a gorgeous lake (something i don’t normally have the chance to do!) overrode the road bike ride and away we went for a beautiful morning run/jog/hike. 💯 stoked on my decision.

One of the absolutely essential apps I use and happily pay for in my adventures is trail forks. You can download an entire state at once so I’ve always got all the trails and maps accessible even when my phone doesn’t have signal. It’s kept me from getting lost so many times and helps me quickly find my way to trails etc. I highly recommend ! Here’s the route of our run:

Where to next ? Well …I know the answer to that of course but I’ll never share my adventures or plans online until after I’ve left the place or done the thing. Safety first. 👋🏻

Chino valley and Prescott - pink full moon

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The trip began with a trust for public land site visit which is super interesting and exciting ! Chino valley will hopefully be home to a new state park very soon if this all works out. I sit on the TPL SW advisory board and believe so strongly in the work that they do. Please check ‘em out !

I’d planned to van camp in chino valley after the site visit but temps were unbelievably cold with overnight low of 25 and whipping wind. So I splurged for a hotel room and Ramsey and I enjoyed a nice warm chill evening ;) she loves two queen beds when she gets her own !

Then we relocated to the Yavapai campground, a place I wanted to camp back in 2021 but had a heck of a time ever getting a spot. Well this year I was in luck- likely due to the waning cold temps and transition slowly into springtime temps (it’s above 5k feet up here so snow has just melted). It was everything I’d hoped for and more. Minimal signal. Quiet. Tall amazing trees. Incredible hiking with the trails all to ourselves. Sooooo magical.

As of the time of this trip- which i’m posting about much later- I have a secret. I am pregnant and no one knows and it’s just me and this little one and Ramsey and my van and it’s incredible to have this experience and to have the privacy of savoring it all for myself right now. ❤️

I get to be out here soaking up the magic of the link full moon and it is pure MAGIC indeed.

This is a campsite 🏕️ that truly feels restorative. We enjoy hikes, naps, healthy meals, full moon gazing and a campfires. It’s heaven on earth. Ive lived with this little one inside me now for over a month and my excitement to introduce him or her to nature and vanlife down the road certain builds ;)

Having a Therapist and a Coach Changed My Life (and It Could Change Yours, Too)

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Having a Therapist and a Coach Changed My Life (and It Could Change Yours, Too)

By Megan Hottman

When my marriage failed after 12 years in 2015, my world fell apart. I went into a deep funk, feeling rudderless and confused. I sensed I needed help but didn’t know where to turn. I was getting my hair done one especially bad day when my hairdresser recommended her therapist to me. It was my first foray into therapy and it saved me; therapy has been a blessing and a gift to me ever since, and I still see that same therapist (Donna Parker) to this day. 

Therapy helped me make sense of some of my traits, tendencies, and triggers. I realized that like a lot of litigators and personal injury lawyers, I was vicariously feeling the trauma to which I was exposed in my clients’ cases. It was devouring me. Secondary trauma (also known as compassion fatigue) is real; it can manifest like PTSD and shares many of the same symptoms as burnout. 

I really appreciate this Tend article’s[1] discussion of “developing a warning system” for Compassion Fatigue/Secondary Trauma Syndrome:

Say that you were to learn to identify your CF/STS symptoms on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worst you have ever felt about your work/compassion/energy, and 1 being the best that you have ever felt).

Then, you learn to identify what an 8 or a 9 looks like for you i.e. “when I’m getting up to an 8, I notice it because I don’t return phone calls, think about calling in sick a lot and can’t watch any violence on TV” or “I know that I’m moving towards a 7 when I turn down my best friend’s invitation to go out for dinner because I’m too drained to talk to someone else, and when I stop exercising.”

Being able to recognize that your level of CF/STS is creeping up to the red zone is the most effective way to implement strategies immediately before things get worse.

But look back to what also emerges in this process: you are starting to identify the solutions to your depletion.

If I know that I am getting close to an 8, I may not take on new clients with a trauma history, I may take a day off a week, or I may return to see my own therapist.

One of my personal warning signs is when I don’t want to talk with strangers. Usually I love engaging with people like Uber drivers, cashiers at the grocery store, and other people at the gym – I really enjoy spontaneous conversation and connecting randomly with strangers. I always learn something new. But when I’m mentally and emotionally fried, I go into energy-preservation mode and don’t want to talk or even wave or make eye contact with anyone. I feel myself saying, “This limited energy I have is mine; don’t take any from me.” When I feel this happening I know it’s time to get some extra rest, clear some space on my calendar, and say “no” to requests.

In our profession, where working long hours, managing massive stress, and shouldering the weight of our clients’ horrific events which led to their case (and our involvement in their lives) are commonplace, we must keep an eye out for the manifestation of symptoms and seek help when we recognize them.

According to a 2016 study by the Betty Ford Center,[2] “When focusing solely on the volume and frequency of alcohol consumed, more than one in three practicing attorneys are problem drinkers.” The study compared attorneys with other professionals, including doctors, and determined that lawyers experience alcohol use disorders at a far higher rate than other professional populations, as well as mental health distress that is more significant.

To me, that’s a clear indicator that we’re not managing our stress, our own trauma, or our clients’ trauma very well.  Therapy can provide a way to unpack those things and develop and maintain healthy boundaries with the trauma to which we are exposed in our work. It provides a safe space for us to offload some of the trauma, grief, and anxiety of our work before we bottle up too much of it and it devours us from the inside. The body keeps score, as they say. We must process and work through these things; stuffing them down only leads to mental and physical breakdowns. The best lawyers are healthy lawyers.

I could go on about the benefits of therapy and how I wish it was mandatory for everyone -- especially lawyers -- but I’ll stop here. Suffice it to say, I highly recommend it and hope you find your own “Donna.” If you don’t jive with the first therapist or counselor you see, don’t give up! Try several until you find one that’s a good fit for you.

After my successful foray with therapy, I went on to try coaching. What’s the difference between therapy and coaching? Therapists are usually focused on the past and present. They manage mental illnesses, can diagnose disorders, and are clinically and formally trained and educated. Coaches, on the other hand, are usually future-oriented; if their work veers into the mental-health space, they will refer clients to therapy. There are certifications and schools to become a coach but formal certification is not required. I don’t even know if the coaches I’ve worked with have any courses or certs under their belts; it didn’t matter to me because the work we did was so inspiring and effective.

My first experience with a coach was in 2018. I’d joined Wealth Factory, a group in Salt Lake City focused on entrepreneurs like myself. I found it through Entrepreneur’s Organization, a group I’d joined in 2015 to be around other like-minded business owners (most of whom were not in law, which was refreshing). Wealth Factory’s goal was to replicate the “home office” for business owners: the CPA, tax strategist, lawyer, financial planner, coach, and more, all under one roof and collaborating for the business owner’s best interests.  In this membership I was paired with Demi, my “Soul Purpose” coach. 

The work Demi and I did was life-altering in a way that therapy hadn’t been and wasn’t intended to be – it focused on my dreams and desires in business and in life, future visions of myself and my life, getting clear on my mission, vision and values, and so much more[3]. Demi and I worked together for several years and through my work with her I joined a women’s mastermind that she led, consisting of other women business owners.  

In Demi’s mastermind group was a woman named Shelley Paxton, badass and former-CMO for Harley Davidson. (Shelley is the author of a book called Soulbbatical, which I highly recommend.) About the time I was wrapping up my coaching with Demi (with coaching it’s not uncommon to reach a place of completion and then seek out a new coach with fresh ideas and methods), Shelley reached out and asked to coach me. I’ve always wanted to write a book/memoir and felt she’d be a great guide. We began working together and with her I was able to take things I’d learned from Donna and Demi and take them even further. Shelley connected me to an Enneagram coach and with his help I did a deep dive into my Enneagram type. (Do this if you haven’t!) 

Shelley and I eventually felt complete and I pivoted back to Demi, who was in a season of “breakdown to breakthrough.” That message really landed with me during the pandemic. I include this here to remind readers that switching coaches is totally normal, as is returning to a former coach in a different season of life, if that’s what calls to you.  It’s worth noting also that during those years of coaching, I was continuing with therapy. They fill different buckets and the sessions are completely different.

With Demi and Shelley’s help I began to have a different relationship with work and social media. I let down some walls and stopped trying to differentiate between “Megan the lawyer” and “Megan the human.” Turns out, the more I shared of my actual and vulnerable self, the more clients of the type I wanted to serve were attracted to my firm -- and the more I repelled those clients who were not a good fit for me. It became more fun to do the work when I got to serve more clients with whom I was in alignment. I also began to honor myself more. I strengthened my boundaries and stopped feeling badly for working the hours that were best for me; I also didn’t apologize for working on the road in my camper van starting in late 2020. 

So many good things came of those coaching sessions during COVID-19, including the outline for my book and other wonderful insights and breakthroughs. One exercise that I found pivotal was getting clear on my top-three core values. They may change in different seasons of life, but figuring them out and then using them as a lens to make decisions has been huge for me. When life feels like it’s “off-track” or when I feel I’m lacking a compass, I turn to my core values to help decide the next right thing. For me, my core values were (and are): health, authenticity, and connection. Keep in mind that my total list of values is long and there are many on that list that I love -- like “making a difference” and “being successful” -- but after narrowing the list from 15 to 10 to five to just three, it helped me clarify my guideposts for life. 

For the past couple years I’ve been coaching clients myself and love it. My clients have all been lawyers, most of whom own their own firm or are solo practitioners. We work on designing their best lives -- from their schedule, to their caseload, to their client selection, to their staff. We work on time-boxing emails to take back control of that monster and we talk about guardrails in areas where lawyers tend to self-sabotage (i.e. meeting with clients and then taking their case on when they know it’s not a good case or good fit).  We brainstorm ways outside of lawyering to earn side-hustle money in a way that excites them, or ways to fit in exercise and time with family and kids. We think outside the box, break out of the lawyerly “norms,” and it’s wonderful to see the results. I love doing the work with them and helping them stay accountable to themselves.

Some things I love most about being coached and being a coach: I love someone being fully in my corner when I am the client. I also love the accountability from an outsider –someone with no skin in the game who wants to see me succeed and nail my goals. I love being called out on my bullshit when I’m trying to kid myself or talk myself in or out of something that isn’t going to serve me. I love having check-ins where I know my audience isn’t going to try and fix my problems or me but is going to listen and then ask insightful questions. There are not many relationships in our lives where this is the case; often our partner or friends want to fix us or are not objective in their advice because they are so biased in our favor. Neighbors and co-workers can’t really be asked to drop in and get deep. Sometimes we don’t want to share our struggles with our closest people. It helps to have that special coaching relationship for just these reasons. It’s easy for us all to get lost in the weeds of life – the to-do lists, emails, house chores, work tasks, etc. A coach helps me stay on track with my big-picture plans and dreams. They make sure we aren’t putting ourselves last on our lists. 

I highly recommend to everyone I meet, and especially lawyers, that they have a therapist and a coach, whom they meet with regularly. Please know this: You’re worth it. 

Demi’s “I stand for” statement for Megan:

I stand for wholesome living. I believe that wholesome living is living the way we were intended to; aligned with nature.

I believe the rhythms in nature exist within us also and we function best when we are in alignment with these rhythms.

I believe our Western world in all its modern conveniences has gotten too far out of sync with these rhythms. We eat engineered food, drive isolated in our cars, and work in our cubicles, sitting for long periods of time. We shop and socialize online.

We sacrifice our sleep and make the time for our self-care negotiable. We take on so much that when we are connecting with others, our minds are half busy with what is or isn’t checked off our to do lists that we miss out on too many opportunities to truly connect.

Nature doesn’t multitask, it doesn’t induce the birth of its animals, and there is no expectation to hurry the bloom of a flower. It goes at the pace the journey merits.

I believe we are meant to eat real food, grown from clean dirt, we are meant to have sunshine on our face while we move our bodies, running, dancing, biking, swimming, and sometimes getting down and dirty doing hard work, allowing our bodies to rest really well at night.

I believe Willa Cather says it well… “Miracles rest not so much in miraculous forces coming to us suddenly from afar, but rather in our perception being made finer so that our eyes can see, our ears and hear (and our heart can feel) what has been there always.” ~Willa Cather

I believe that when we slow down our lives to the pace that nature intended, we experience the miracles that have been there always.

I believe we all have a purpose with unique gifts we are here to contribute. I also believe that the development of our gifts and the discovery of our purpose can’t happen when life is moving so fast.

It comes from simplicity, slowing down and connecting to our Soul Sustenance.

When we do this, the path towards our greatness occurs as surely as the flowers bloom, the seasons change and the sun and the stars take their stage.

We are destined for greatness; it is the rhythm of our nature.

I believe that wholesome living is not a privilege but a choice.

I dream of a world in which all beings reclaimed their power, making the choices that restored them to their wholesome state, replacing resignation with resilience, refusing to rush and no longer celebrating our ability to multitask but rather use it as a signal to let something go.

I believe we can all say no to more to make space for the things that really matter to us.

I dream of a world that slowed down so much we heard more birds singing, saw more sunrises and sunsets, we knew more of the people who grew our food, and made more close friends from interacting with strangers at the grocery store.

I dream of a world where people lived their lives from a place of truth and love rather than scarcity and fear, where they trusted the guidance of their Soul to enjoy a life filled with magic, miracles, deep meaningful connections enjoying the sweet privilege of contributing their greatness to the world in a way in which only they can.

 

If you’d like to contact any of the people I’ve mentioned in this article, please do. This wasn’t an attempt to solicit business on their behalf but I did feel called to share their names and my thanks to them for the indelible imprints they’ve left on my life and me. 

Donna Parker: LinkedIn : https://www.linkedin.com/in/donna-parker-8234a72b/

Here is a podcast interview I did with her:

 https://www.maximumenthusiasm.com/e-23-donna-parker-know-your-true-values-and-highest-priorities

Demi McConkie:

https://www.theauthenticleaderinyou.com/about

Here is a podcast interview I did with her:

https://www.maximumenthusiasm.com/ep-16-demi-mcconkie-soul-purpose 

Shelley Paxton: https://www.shelleypaxton.com/ (includes link to her book)

Here is a podcast interview I did with her:

https://www.maximumenthusiasm.com/shelley-paxton

My coaching website: https://www.meganhottman.com/coaching

I’d be happy to sit down and spend an hour or so with you by phone or by video to discuss your goals and what you might like to pursue with a coach, whether it’s me or someone else. Sometimes just giving ourselves permission to have that first conversation and explore what is possible is the tipping point towards something exceptional. I urge you to lean in and see where it takes you. 

About the author: 

Megan M. Hottman, attorney and founder of Hottman Law Office in Golden, Colorado (Est. 2010), specializes in representing injured bicyclists and is a recognized expert and advocate in the cycling community. Known as THECyclist-Lawyer.com, Megan has represented over 170 individual cyclists and handles cases nationwide. Megan provides bike law education clinics and classes to cyclists, local bike clubs, and law enforcement personnel. She’s known by cyclists and attorneys nationwide as the cycling case expert and frequently consults with other attorneys on their cycling cases. 

Megan was featured for her work in cycling cases by both Outside Magazine and HBO Real Sports (Bryant Gumbel) in 2015. She has authored countless articles and also co-authored a cycling-law resource book called Bicycle Accidents, Crashes & Collisions: Biomechanical, Engineering, and Legal Aspects (you can find it on Amazon). In late 2022/early 2023, a global bike documentary titled “The Engine Inside” will be released by Anthill Films, in which Megan is one of the featured cyclist stories. 

A former-elite road and track cyclist for many years, Megan went on to compete in cyclocross and gravel races before dabbling in triathlon, completing three Ironman events 2015-2017. These days she enjoys mountain biking, bike packing, gravel racing, endurance running, and self-paced endeavors like riding the White Rim in a day or biking with her dogs from Golden to Colorado Springs. She commutes almost everywhere by bike and incorporates some aspect of health, wellness, or sport into every day. Sitting is the new smoking, she frequently says, and #ridemoredriveless is her mantra.     

In 2018 she reached her goal of riding 10,000 bike miles in one year, and in 2019 she led a group of 25 cyclists in breaking the World Record for “longest static cycling class” while raising money for People for Bikes. 2020 brought about a much-needed mental and physical reset from racing given the pandemic; during that time she bought a camper van and commenced #vanlife, literally #WFA (working from anywhere). 

As of late 2022, after being hit by a car while on her bike on 6/5/22, Megan is working on her second book and loves working with her coaching clients and doing frequent public speaking. Megan coaches other lawyers and helps them live lives by design, on purpose, with HELL YES as a guiding principle. She also loves being on stage delivering speeches to large audiences and her topics range from law to health to substance abuse and more.

You can listen to her on her podcast, MaximumEnthusiasm.com, follow her vanlife and cycling adventures on Instagram @meganhottman, @cyclist_lawyer, or visit her website MeganHottman.com to learn more.

**And huge thanks to fellow lawyer and grammar-king Tom Simon, of McCormick, Fitzpatrick, Kasper & Burchard, P.C., for his proofreading and editing help here!

[1] https://www.tendacademy.ca/warning-signs-of-vicarious-traumasecondary-traumatic-stress-and-compassion-fatigue/

[2] https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/about-us/news-media/press-release/2016-aba-hazelden-release-first-study-attorney-substance-use

[3] At the end of this article I include a statement called “I stand for” that Demi wrote for me after a focused session together in which she elicited those sentiments from me and then gave them structure for me to see.  It’s powerful and beautiful; she pulled things out of me that I couldn’t see for myself and gave me words to use.  I refer to it often and in addition to my core values, it helps me navigate the crazy waters of life.

*this article appeared/will appear in CTLA’s Trial Talk magazine.

PMP & Piestewa Peak 🏔

in ,

I caught myself sitting on my couch mindlessly scrolling again. A Monday night. Just any old routine night.

I did a mental inventory of the day - I got a lot done, my place was clean and picked up, basically things were all in order. Hence, the scrolling. I was also aware of my nervous energy- further prompting my scrolling as an avoidance /numbing behavior … My dad just had a major surgery and I was supposed to ✈️ on Tuesday to visit he and my mom, to help them for a few days but given the absolutely rampant Covid numbers right now, they asked me to postpone. So I saw a wide open Tuesday that I’d held open for travel- now ripe with possibilities.

Around 7pm I got the itch to load up the 🚐 and go somewhere local for a sunrise hike/jog in the morning…. I simmered on it for a bit. Went out and checked on the van (aka Artemis- she’s usually stocked and mostly ready to roll, complete with dog food, snacks and water, which makes going wheels up so much easier) and then I felt the, “it’s Monday night you shouldn’t go out and do this” (insert sleep concerns and all the “responsible” adulting messages we tell ourselves)…. 🤦‍♀️
yet I found myself packing a small bag of run essentials and snacks, and mapping my way to the neighborhood near the trailhead …because 🚐 > scrolling on my 📱 any day (or night).

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” Mae West

Also… what’s the point of having a 🚐 if I am not using it as often as I’d set out to when I bought it; what’s the point of working for myself and having a flex schedule if I don’t go do spontaneous things on school nights; on that note- I don’t have kids and so there really aren’t school nights in my reality …! I’ve just come off some majorly huge HUGE life events and stressors, the saddest solo Christmas ever thanks to my Covid booster that rocked my world and set me back a week and also-finally and most importantly: I am a grown ass woman who can do what she wants and I don’t need to rationalize my desire to go vancamp and sunrise run/hike during the week to anyone, including myself! 🙌 (put that on a sticky note if you also need a daily reminder!).

This is why they say getting out the door is the hardest part - because yes, sitting on my 🛋 is loads easier. It takes effort to get out the door. And yes the adulting voices in my head wouldn’t have objected to staying home and I could’ve saved myself effort and prob slept better at home,

but. . .
I GOT OUT THE DOOR. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.

I was rewarded with this :

I’d love to tell you I 🚐 camped up there but saldy, no … a group of young punk kids were all up there drinking and what not … so I got to be the weird lady in the giant van trying to turn her rig around in the midst of them trying not hit their cars or boulders or roll off the edge … sigh. 🤦‍♀️ Didn’t anyone tell them it’s a school night ?!

Not easily dissuaded from my plan I just parked a bit further down and got ready for an early bedtime. Rams loves vanlife because it’s the only time she gets to sleep on the bed next to me:

We got up and attem with the sunrise and struck out for the trail via some extended mileage as I wanted a full morning adventure. The views, colors, temp and desert bliss did NOT disappoint. THIS, I proclaimed to myself - this is why we LOVE the desert 🌵!

Imagine my surprise once we got to the base of PP and found signage prohibiting dogs. drat. No worries though, it was a great quiet morning to be out running/hiking and rams and I had a blast exploring PMP with the help of the Trailforks app (a game changer for me in outdoor spaces like this so I can avoid being lost).

**This is a good lesson for me - no dogs allowed is not usually an issue on Colorado trails …but given the types of trails and peaks here in Phx, it’s likely to be a regular thing …so I’ll need to do more research before the next one. Thankfully temps are nice and cool so rams can chill in the 🚐 no problem.


So we doubled back to the van after nabbing a nice 5ish mile hike/jog and then I relocated the van to the PP trailhead … made myself some coffee, warmed up a bit and then tackled the peak while rams held down the fort in the van.

PP aka Piestewa Peak, at 2,610 feet is the second highest point in the Phoenix Mountains, after Camelback Mountain, and the third highest in the city of Phoenix, Arizona.

The peak (previously called Squaw Peak) is named after Specialist Lori Ann Piestewa, a U.S. Army Quartermaster Corps soldier from the Hopi Tribe in northern Arizona, who was killed during an ambush near Nasiriyah, Iraq, in 2003.

More about the peak here: LINK

And let me just tell you — it’s fun/challenging on the way up and pretty dang sketchy coming down. Double black diamond, indeed.
Definitely leave the little kids home for this one.
and bring your grippy trail shoes.
**Wanna blow your mind ?! Check out the Strava segments and the times these maniacs are running up this beast. Like 15-17 minutes to the top. Wow.

Now that I’ve done it once and know what to expect I’m excited to do it again. I’ll def start earlier (park opens at 7) as by 930-10am on a Tuesday morning the trail was pretty busy.

Big Stages & Breadcrumbs

in

How did it come to be that I took the stage in front of 300+ judges and opened their annual Wisconsin Judicial Conference on Wednesday?!

I’ll tell you:

Several key women opened doors for me and I rushed through them each time one opened.
…that’s how!!

In the spring of 2018 I attended my first Nevada Justice women’s “badass” CLE for women in law. There, I met some incredible ladies include Sari, Randi, Dorothy and of course Julie, the head of the host organization. It came to be that Sari’s talk was to include a five minute talk about health and wellness. I boldly and audaciously asked to give it a go for her.

I don’t know what it was inside me that said, “do this, megan,” but something did. It felt worth taking risks for.

I prepared that night and arrived the next day ready to go.
That morning the ladies in charge said that they weren’t sure I could do it since it hadn’t been pre-approved by “the CLE folks” ahead of time. I persisted… they agreed… and I got up and gave my talk…. Short and sweet on topics I’m most passionate about. I was given really positive feedback.

Later- Julie asked me to be the speaker on health and alcohol for the Nevada bar conference in San Diego. My talk would earn ethics credits that all lawyers need and therefore, the room would be packed. I jumped at the chance to give this talk and it again netted me some positive feedback. Julie wrote a recommendation for my website -speaker page:

“Megan spoke at a seminar I coordinated and she blew the audience away. She is smart, energetic, motivating and empowering. I have already booked her to speak again.”

— Julie Ostrovsky, Deputy Executive Director, Nevada Justice Association


**just this last May 2021, a lawyer at a trial college in Cabo walked up to me and said that talk had changed his life. He’d quit drinking and really taken stock of his life and health and doubled down on getting healthy. Wow. My heart absolutely burst with this news.

I think because Julie’s recommendation was on my website or perhaps the folks who host these conferences probably all talk about speakers - I got a call in 2019 from Bryan with the Wisconsin bar and he invited me to speak at their summer convention. I went and gave my talk the summer of 2019 and in that audience was a woman named Kristin. We Immediately connected and to this day she credits that talk for why she drinks a glass of water each morning. 🙏🏼

Bryan then asked me to speak last summer (2020) at their womens’ caucus- which was postponed to 2021, and yes, I did. Kristin introduced me and spoke so fondly of me I felt like her audience was basically compelled to like me ;)

Kristin then went a step further and recommended me to her state bar judicial committee for their annual judges’ conference. That’s when all of the state’s judges convene to get boosted morale and education updates and so on.

Yes-one woman- Kristin opened this door for me and she’s the reason I got to stand up on a stage on Wednesday in front of the Wisconsin judiciary and do my very best to boost their morale, remind them why they started, and inspire them to take better care of themselves and in so doing, model self care to our entire profession.

Sari - Julie - Kristin … these women opened the doors for me. When they didn’t have to or need to and they had no skin in the game- they suggested me and I’m externally grateful.

Of course I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank the woman who taught me how to be a public speaker and how to love it…. That’s my mom. ;) she took me to toastmaster meetings with her when I was young (back then, I assumed this was a US Postal thing, which is where she worked- because you know, toastmasters, postmasters…) by observation I began to appreciate the importance of feeling comfortable being in front of a group of people speaking. Tbh - I’ve never understood why public speaking is feared second to (or as much as) death itself. I’ve always enjoyed it. It’s not something to fear. And that’s because of my mom.

…when it was time to graduate middle school I somehow (??) was nominated to give our graduating ceremony speech - I guess much like a high school valedictorian would but for 6-7-8th grade ;) I recall the auditorium being pretty full with a few hundred people there, it was a fairly big school and I was up on a stage wearing my little suit and with the notes of the speech we’d prepared and practiced.

It felt like a big deal to me. It felt good to do it well. I don’t recall what I said but I felt good about how it went.

Since then I’ve embraced opportunities to give speeches and talks.

In college I studied corporate communications. More speeches. Loved it. Then law school. Moot court and more talking in front of audiences and mock juries and so on. Loved it. And then lawyering. Focus groups. Trials. Conferences.

I’ve probably given hundreds of presentations to law enforcement groups, bike shops and cycling teams. I’ve given a handful or more on cycling law as part of legal seminars and CLEs. I’ve done now 10-12 in my role as “Trial Athlete,” where I talk to legal groups and orgs about health and wellness in this profession. This one this week was my first- but hopefully not my last -to a roomful of judges.

I am actually paid to speak.

After all these years and talks, I get paid to show up and do something I love and I hope- to change peoples lives for the better as they sit in their chair and lend me an hour of their time and attention.

I can think of no better way for me to serve this profession which is so hard on the humans in it. I can serve individual clients well, but I can have far greater impact serving large groups of lawyers and judges in this fashion. Giving more talks like this and the time and energy it takes is a small part of what motivated me to retire from my day-to-day lawyering and law firm ownership. I aim to spend my energy in bigger and more impactful ways.

And I hope to open doors for other women the way these women opened doors for me.

Here’s what I want to share for this experience share: my internal guidance system has always nudged me to say yes to these opportunities. Even though this trip involved flying to Wisconsin and being gone for three days and two nights and a rental car and two hours of driving each way plus airport chaos etc … it would have been SO much easier to say no. And yet I knew it was a yes.

I feel called to this type of work and that’s why I can say these YESSES are HELL YESSES. And when you know you know. When it’s a grey lukewarm “uhhh ok,” that’s really a hell NO. I’d be feeling resentful for this trip and the inconvenience of it if it were a lukewarm “sure.”

Instead I felt - and feel- lit up about it. And my intuition tells me to pursue more of this. So I shall. And when it is no longer a hell yea for me, I’ll acknowledge that too. Because “hell YESSES” can change. And that’s been a big aha for me recently also.

What lights you up?
As you look back …what breadcrumbs have led you to some of your best decisions and experiences ? What was your gut and inner knowing signaling to you in those breadcrumb experiences- and how did you know it felt RIGHT?! As you look back on what got you where you are today, what patterns emerge for you?

Finally … what door has someone opened for you and what door can you open for someone else?

Keep your eyes open and opportunities for both will appear.

The State of Our Profession

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By “our profession,” I mean the legal profession, to be clear.

In a few days I have the extreme honor and privilege of speaking to the Wisconsin Judicial Conference, which will consist of approximately 300 judges sitting in one room listening to me talk about why I feel that the practice of law- and the work of a judge- is an endurance sport.

It’s hard. It requires a lot of focus and discipline, commitment to the cause. Judges work long hours, they often are paid less than they made at the private firms they left in order to take the bench. The public, and the attorneys, are often unhappy and each day includes battles of civil, criminal and domestic issues, contentious dialogue, win versus lose propositions, and heartbreak (i.e. criminal sentencing hearings, hearing from the victims).

Out of law school I clerked for 2 judges— the first, a wonderful woman named Peggy S. McGraw, in Kansas City, MO, and the second, a wonderful man named Jack Berryhill, in Golden CO (now my home jurisdiction).

Both of those jobs- and judges- taught me a LOT. I saw first hand in my work behind the bench, just how hard it is, just how much they grappled with decisions, just how much they tried their best every damn day to give their very best to the job. They were often first in and last to go, working far more hours than their government salaries warranted. They worked to be well prepared, well read, current on case law, new legal issues, they worked hard to listen fairly, to make good findings, to listen fully, to be present.

Sitting — literally SITTING — all day behind that bench, I saw them give it everything they could.

Earlier this year at a women’s trial lawyer CLE I had the amazing opportunity to sit next to a brand new judge during one of our morning yoga sessions. As we chatted, she shared that her transition from being a public defender to now being a judge was causing an immense amount of pain. Literally - pain. Her back and hips were killing her now that she was stuck sitting for 8+ hours a day. She reflected that her work as a Public Defender, (while it involved some sitting of course), did allow for more movement both inside the courtroom as well as in the hallways, between hearings, and between her office and the courthouse. Now, she shared, she was pinned to her bench and chair, with few chances to move her body during the day. And it hurt.

What if… I asked her… you implemented a courtroom standing break once an hour, for 1-2 minutes? I bet the jury members, the attorneys, anyone present, would be so grateful for that. The normal bench seats in the backs of courtrooms resemble wooden pews from churches- they are so hard on the back and on the butt. And the jurors are also forced to sit and pay attention with few chances to move. What if you gave EVERYONE the opportunity and invitation to join you to stand every hour?

She said, “you know what?! I’m going to try that. Why not!!”

WHY NOT INDEED. If we do what we’ve always done, we will get what we’ve always gotten.

And friends — sitting is the NEW SMOKING.

“Last year the Annals of Internal Medicine published a study of 8,000 adults that showed an association between prolonged sitting and a risk of early death from any cause. (People who sat for no more than 30 minutes at a time had the lowest risk in that study.) Other research has linked prolonged sitting or other sedentary behavior to diabetes, poor heart health, weight gain, depression, dementia, and multiple cancers.” —https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/sitting-health-risks

And now…. I get to stand up on a stage in front of 300 judges and do my best to boost their morale, lift their spirits, give them hope —and homework to do-- so that in the days and months ahead, they can boost not only themselves in their work but also the morale of all who appear in their courtroom- most specifically, the lawyers.

I am, and have been for some time, gravely concerned about our profession.

Lawyers are not kind to themselves, the stress of the work and pressures, the hours and the client demands and the chase for “partner” status along with everything else, wearing one’s 80 or 100-hour-workweek on the sleeve as a badge of honor, saying things like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” ….it’s cracking lawyers.

Alcohol consumption has always been a central theme and part of this profession- you see it in almost any lawyer movie or show; usually there are some nice crystal glasses with an expensive whiskey or scotch being sipped by the lawyers in expensive suits winding down at the office at the end of a very long day. You see parties, happy hours, law firm events, social events, conferences, CLEs, all intertwined with numbing-out agents, like booze. And I get it. Just because I choose not to drink, I’m not someone who shames people for choosing to let their hair down.

What does worry me, is the excessive consumption in our profession. The stats are GRIM. Here are a few that I usually share in my presentations:

In 1990, the International Journal of Law and Psychiatry surveyed close to 1,200 lawyers in Washington State. It found that 18 percent of respondents were problem drinkers. Among highly educated professionals, by contrast, this number sits at around 12 percent. Lawyers, it seems, were at a higher risk.

In 2016, the American Society of Addiction Medicine conducted a new study on this topic. In email interviews with lawyers across the United States, the organization asked a series of questions about alcohol use. In the end, 12,825 lawyers completed the survey, and close to 21 percent of those respondents screened for “hazardous, harmful, and potentially alcohol dependent drinking.”

Almost 25% or one-quarter of our legal profession is in trouble. And that’s just among those who agreed to be in these studies. One in 4 lawyers is a problem drinker.

On a Monday morning in July of 2015, David Whitten arrived at his office. He had a full slate of meetings in his calendar. He also had a crippling hangover. “For the first time in my career, I wasn’t capable of meeting my obligations.”

At 41, Whitten was astonishingly high functioning. He was the co-founder of Whitten & Lublin, one of the top employment boutiques in the city. And in person, he was also a consummate professional: confident and gregarious. The sort of person who could mingle with colleagues or put clients at ease at painful moments in their careers.

He was also a long-time heavy drinker. “I would describe myself as a weekend warrior,” he says. “I never blacked out, drank and drove or had any criminal behavior. But come Friday night, I was the first one to grab a cocktail.”

He had come to rely on alcohol to weather the strains of life. “I didn’t know any other way to relax,” he says. “And when I promised myself I’d only go out for two beers, I couldn’t. There are people who can leave a half-full glass of wine on the table and walk away. I was the guy who couldn’t leave a drop behind.”

“I would think to myself, I work hard, and I party hard.”

But to leave work because of a hangover? That was impossible to dismiss as harmless. “It really scared me,” says Whitten. He knew he had to face the problem.

Inside the legal profession’s alcohol problem, March 2020: https://lawandstyle.ca/law/cover-story-inside-the-legal-professions-alcohol-problem/

I also want to address mental health — secondary trauma, specifically. How many of us in this work are exposed to tremendous trauma of our clients, the horrific events they’ve been through…. did anyone train us to cope with this trauma we absorb and/or witness/see in our client interactions or the videos/photos in the case file?

“Exposure to gruesome imagery can be associated with distress.  In fact, in 2013, the American Psychiatric Association amended its guidelines on post-traumatic stress disorder to recognize that immersive work with traumatic imagery is a specific risk factor for journalists, police officers and others absorbing such images on a regular basis in their jobs. ” https://dartcenter.org/content/working-with-traumatic-imagery

Other professions receive help to deal with the trauma they experience on the job:

•Law Enforcement and criminal justice professionals are trained in death, trauma, vicarious exposure

•Fire Fighters are trained to prepare for and deal with trauma on the job

https://www.firerescue1.com/health-wellness/articles/planning-for-trauma-how-to-protect-firefighter-mental-health-eq8AL7m7z7IvzWpm/

•Journalists are trained in how to process images and avoid unnecessary exposure

https://dartcenter.org/content/working-with-traumatic-imagery

•Doctors are trained in medical school to manage death/ are provided mentors and counselors to assist them in processing these issues

https://theconversation.com/how-doctors-are-taught-to-deal-with-death-84429

Sadly, most lawyers and judges are NOT trained to manage or handle the trauma we experience in our jobs.

“Secondary traumatic stress, also known as vicarious trauma or compassion fatigue, is a condition that mimics post-traumatic stress disorder. It is caused by being indirectly exposed to someone else’s trauma. Much has been written about secondary trauma for social workers and therapists who work directly with children and adults who have experienced trauma…. Many lawyers, judges, and others who work in the …court system are unaware that secondary trauma might be affecting them or their colleagues.”

“Any organization that works with individuals who have suffered trauma should focus on secondary trauma. ”

-Understanding Secondary Trauma: A Guide for Lawyers Working with Child Victims (ABA)

What to look for?

 The symptoms of secondary traumatic stress that are most typically seen in the workplace are:

•avoidance (e.g., arriving late, leaving early, missing meetings, avoiding clients, skipping certain questions during interviews),

•hyper-vigilance (e.g., feeling on edge, perceiving colleagues and clients as threatening, feeling like all clients are in danger),

•seeing things as “black or white” rather than tolerating ambiguity,

•becoming argumentative, and

•shutting down or numbing out (alcohol and drug use are common coping mechanisms).

Secondary traumatic stress can also impact people’s personal lives. Common symptoms can include:

•sleep disturbance and nightmares,

•headaches,

•stomach pain,

•PTSD symptoms such as intrusive thoughts and memories; severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds the person of the traumatic event; avoidance of people, places or things that remind the person of the event; irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior; inability to focus; being easily started; hyper-vigilance,

•extreme fatigue/always tired,

•negative thinking and a tendency to become upset about everything,

•strained relationships with family and friends,

•compromised parenting, and

•doubts about whether the world is a safe place.

WHY DOES THIS MATTER?

Secondary trauma causes fight or flight activation ….  READ THAT AGAIN.

If you are in fight-or-flight you are NOT in inner-peace headspace. 

“We aren’t designed to be in the sympathetic nervous system all the time. In fact, the opposite is true. We’re designed to be in the parasympathetic system the majority of the time, and use the sympathetic system as needed. The parasympathetic system is settled and calm. It’s the resting phase. It’s the way we act and feel when there’s no imminent threat. Our heart rate is low, we’re open and curious, emotionally stable, relaxed but alert. You can think of these two systems as a scale or a see-saw—they’re binary. So if we’re really activated and our sympathetic nervous system is taking over, the parasympathetic system goes down.”

https://www.aprilmcanally.com/single-post/2017/03/11/a-guide-to-preventing-compassion-fatigue-and-secondary-traumatic-stress

Chronic Fight or Flight - Aka The body’s stress response  = bad for our health.

“Repeated activation of the stress response takes a toll on the body…. chronic stress contributes to high blood pressure, promotes the formation of artery-clogging deposits, and causes brain changes that may contribute to anxiety, depression, addiction, and obesity -- both through direct mechanisms (causing people to eat more) or indirectly (decreasing sleep and exercise).” 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response).

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nomanazish/2019/05/30/how-to-de-stress-in-5-minutes-or-less-according-to-a-navy-seal/?sh=3f03f6973046

When you’re chronically stressed, the SNS is overly active and perpetually engaged

Consequently, your breathing migrates from the belly — where a relaxed breath originates — to the upper chest, where the shallow breath of stress keeps us feeling continuously on edge. So we get ourselves stressed out, and then we tend to …..stay there.

I don’t have the answers to these large challenges facing our legal profession, but I DO hope that giving talks like this one, to judges and to lawyers, my work with them in coaching and helping them hold themselves accountable TO THEMSELVES to take better care of their health- physically and mentally - to seek out therapy and to investigate triggers, trauma and pain and to explore ways to keep more of a balance between work and life…can one by one help us turn these trends and tides around.